Happy Birthday Daddio!

Last Monday was my dad's birthday. My dad LOVED his birthday. His excitement every year rivaled that of a ten year old, and while at times it was annoying, it was also wonderful and contagious. We celebrate every birthday in our family with the same exuberance, getting the whole fam together for dinner and cake, and a few presents. Having his birthday in January was an added bonus because, frankly, January sucks. It's cold, we're usually low on money, and it's easy to get depressed. But his birthday was a chance to celebrate, laugh, and forget about the middle of winter for a little bit.

We still all got together and had a great meal and a great time, but it just wasn't the same. I knew all the firsts without him were going to be hard. We made it through a lot of other birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, but his birthday was just impossible for me. It caught me by surprise. Sometimes it's good to be caught by surprise, let out a few tears, and get it all out there.

In the last few years our family has grown, and winter isn't as bleak as it used to be. We now have another birthday in January, one in February, and then things warm up a little in March. There are many causes for celebration, and my dad loved every second of it. I'm so happy that I live in close proximity with the majority of my family, that we're able to get together on all these occasions, and sometimes just because it's Tuesday.

I've been avoiding posting for a few weeks because, well, my dad died. And I thought I had to write something profound and heartfelt to show how wonderful he was and how much I loved him. But I was heartbroken and couldn't find the words.

Then I had too many words. They all came jumbled inside, and I had to get all of them out, but it made no sense and because the world's longest run on sentence.

So here's what you need to know: I love my dad. Though he was sick for a long time, and I truly recognize that he's in a better place and not suffering anymore, I still wasn't ready to not have a dad anymore. Most days I get through the day just fine, and then it will hit me that he's not here anymore.

There doesn't have to be just one post about my dad, there can be many. I have thirty years of memories of him, I can't get them all out at once. I think that's how it should be. Someday, I will tell you all about his last days, because they were actually quite wonderful. Right now it's all a little raw, but now it's out there, and I can move on ever so slightly, a little bit at a time.